It is after days like today that I need to hold you a little tighter, kiss you extra kisses and tell you how incredibly much I love you. The career that I have chosen, has highlighted over and over to me how much children mean to their parents in a way no one can understand until they themselves become a parent. Tonight, I let you stay up a bit longer than you usually do for a couple of different reasons. One being that tomorrow is our Friday (the beginning of our weekend), and there is no work and no school, no real plans to say the least. And the other is due to event that happened at work today that weighs heavily upon my heart. . .
After reading story after story and putting all the farm animals back into their slot on the puzzel, you and and I went into my room so I could attempt to watch the last 5 minutes of Dr. Phill. You cozied up on my bed with lovies in your arms soon to realize the person on the TV screen was not Mickey Mouse! You began to lose interest rather quickly... Just as you were about to vocalize your frustration with my choice of entertainment, a commercial came on the TV with a person eating a toaster struddle (basically a breakfast food with infused "fruit" topped with frosting- definitely not an item in the healthy food pyramid- ha) You intently pointed at the TV and looked at me, said something in your jibberish, proceeded to slide down off the bed (which you have now mastered like a pro) and walked confidently into the kitchen. You marched right over to the freezer side of the refirgerator and looked back at me (as if to say, "hey, open the door will ya"). You wanted a toaster struddle and you knew right where they were!! I couldn't help but laugh out loud, amazed at your intellectual ability! You are such a smart girl and I love you so very much. Of course I couldn't resist your request, (still in shock that a commercial triggered your memory back to the item we recently added to the freezer), so I popped a couple in the toaster oven and filled up your sippy cup with soy milk. Nothing like a good breakfast before bed!
You sat sleepily in your high chair eating your frosted pastry in slow motion. Your eyes were so heavy but you were determined to indulge. Im not sure you have eaten anything past 7:30 at night since your bottle days... Once you were finished, we gathered up your lovies and your pacies (the new thing is now to suck on one while holding one... (sheesh, this is getting out of control for Mommy), and proceeded to the rocking chair where in less than 30 seconds, you were sound asleep with your head on my shoulder.
I couldn't help but think back to my day at work today and the families in which my job calls me to interact. Our incounters are brought upon due to the loss of thier child to some illness, accident or cause beyond our medical understanding. It is my job to shift my perspective from that of a Mother to that of a Child Life Specialist and help these families through some of their darkest moments. There are no words to describe the pain and sadness that parent must feel when they have to say goodbye to their child knowing they will never have another tomorrow together. When they are no longer to rock their child to sleep in their arms, or kiss them over and over while telling them how much they love them. When days like today are all said and done, when I have done my job the best I know how, I hurt so badly for these families.
I am truly blessed Suri and I am so thankful for the days that you and I have had and I pray with great hope that God will continue to bless us with a new day together. I hope one day you will understand these words I share with you. I need you to know how much you were wanted, how much you are loved and how very proud I am of all that you are. I love you Suri Rose.
Good night sweetheart, sweet dreams...
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