Perspective

Here we are, officially one week into the new year and I have already attended my first funeral of 2013. Funerals always have a way of leaving some sort of a lasting impression of how I view myself as well as my current situation and this one that took place today was no different. As I sat in the pew looking around at the people in attendance my heart ached in many different ways. First of all, as a Mother myself, my heart ached as I watched the tears roll down the face of the Mother about to bury her oldest daughter. I can not imagine the heartache a mother feels in saying goodbye to her child, no matter how "old" or "young" that child may be. My  heartache then shifted to the children who could barely speak over the pain they felt in losing their mother... a pain I am all too familiar with. Throughout the sermon, I couldn't help but wonder about the words the preacher spoke; words about the question of how would "we" be remembered if today happened to be our day? This question once again highlighted the importance of being a good person, a good friend and being happy. Living the life God has given us to the fullest while maximizing the talents he has blessed us with.
I couldn't help but think of Suri as well as my role as her Mother.

When the funeral was over, we all proceeded to the grave side in order to be present for the burial. As we made our way to the spot near the palm tree, a sadness once again filled my heart as the spot where Vyonna was to be buried  was approximately 3 plots away from where my Mom was buried. The same spot I sat, along with my family and dear friends just over 2 years ago was the same spot the family today assumed. 2 years ago, I was in Vyonna's children's shoes and I know all too well the pain they experienced today. There in the grass, surrounded by fresh flowers of a new burial, was my Mom and my heart hurt so badly that her grave stone and my memories are all I have left of her. As I looked at her grave and then to the open hole where the new casket was to be placed. Again, I couldn't help but think of Suri. I hope to never be in the mother's shoes that has to bury her child yet I pray Suri never has to experience the pain of losing a parent. I am aware, one of the 2 scenarios is inevitable.

Once the pastor finished his closing remarks, just before the casket was to be lowered into the ground, a bit of cheer was brought to everyone as their focus was turned toward the sight of a balloon release. One of Vyonna's last wishes was that all of her Grandchildren were to release a balloon in remembrance of her. And with the slip of a child's hand, the first balloon was released. 9 more soon followed and everyone in attendance watched in silence. 10 pink heart balloons, all on a different path to the same destination. Much like the lives of each of us. For a brief moment, the focus of everyone was lifted toward the beauty of the balloons and watching them as they one by one disappeared into the Heavens. As the last balloon disappeared from my sight, I turned back toward the casket to find that it had already been lowered to the ground and was no longer visible. I was once again faced with reality and I couldn't help but think about the fact that that is exactly how our lives are intended. We are to keep our focus on the good things, enjoy the beauty in the little things and not keep our focus set on the things that are inevitable. All of our days are numbered but what we do with the days we are given, is what matters.

How will we be remembered is the question that keeps playing over and over in my head... none of us know our day or our hour in which we too will be called to our heavenly home and  as I drove away from the Mortuary my perspective toward the rest of my day was different. I definitely couldn't wait to pick Suri up from Mary Beth's house to see her smile, feel the warmth of her hug and thank God for giving me one more day with her.

As I was putting Suri to sleep tonight, the battle of bedtime did not take place. To Suri's surprise, I gave into her plea for me to lay with her for "2 minutes" (which from Suri's perspective, means "until she falls asleep") As I layed in bed, Suri assumed her position on my chest with her lovey in her arms fully unaware of impact this opportunity brought. Within minutes, her breathing slowed and her body relaxed she began to fall fast asleep. My heart overflowing with love for moments like these and as I ran my fingers through her hair I again said a heart felt prayer to God for allowing us to remain together, for now. I also said a prayer for all of those who are hurting tonight as the pain of losing their loved one is still so raw. I know from experience that God heals in his time and my hope for this family, as well as for all who are hurting is to remain faithful and trust that no matter what we are going through, God is with us and will provide for us.

I love you Suri Rose and am so thankful for each new day...